6 Assumptions about a Mom of 4.
Want to know what it's like to have 4 kids? One of my favorite comedians, Jim Gaffigan (who has 5 kids-bless his heart), puts it this way, "Imagine you're drowning then someone hands you a baby.". Literally, there you are handling your activities of daily living like a rock star then BAM! You quickly feel like you're sinking, you can't get enough air, and the light you saw at the end of tunnel just got pushed at least five years away. I've heard it a million times that children are a blessing and a gift from God. I 100% agree! They help you grow up, help you learn what selflessness REALLY means, and make you feel an unconditional love like you've never experienced before. They can also drain the ever-loving life out of you...
Some of the points I make today might be a bit harsh but I believe them to be honest thoughts that most moms of four kids have had. Also, just to be clear, I need to disclose ahead of time that I absolutely love my friends and all of their kiddos. This post was written from my personal experiences with someone I've just met as well as casual acquaintances, and simply just needs to be said.
6 ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT A MOM OF 4
1. She will be able to stop "real quick" at the store on her way somewhere with her kids. We've all seen the mom struggling at the grocery store with her litter. Looking frazzled, one child crying, the other running up and down the aisle singing a song at the top of her lungs from the latest Disney movie, and possibly another attached to her by a sling. I have been that mom. I have also been asked to stop on my way to an event with all my children to get some....chips. I always want to help out so of course I said, "yes, no problem." Not until I pulled into the parking lot did I realize, "wait....this is a problem." This is the point a loving, cautious mom weighs the outcomes of just leaving the mini crazy people in the van for a few minutes because she knows what's about to happen inside. That's when the worst case scenario expert thing kicks in. "NEVER LEAVE YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR ALONE!" So we load up the buggy and walk in. Immediately one child asks for a snack, ones needs to go potty, and another has tripped in the door frame and has a scraped toe. The only thing out of my mouth was, "Everyone focus, we're just here for chips." After the band-aid, the potty break, the argument about what kind of chips to buy, and many suggestions on other things we apparently had to have, we had one more breakdown in the aisle because, "mommy always says no and never gets me anything!" Then we left. Sweat, blood, and tears all in 15 minutes for some chips. I think in this case it would have been safe to assume one of the other 3 moms with one child or older children could have stopped much easier for the bags of chips.
2. She wants to babysit your kids too, because obviously she loves children, why would she have so many? This is a touchy one. I have many friends with multiple children and usually we have a houseful. I love them all dearly, but they also get what I'm sayin here. The mom of 4 usually DOES want your kids to come and play with hers. She wants the company for HER kids! It keeps them out of her hair for the time being. Just schedule the playdate and don't assume she wants to babysit. Even better, hang out with her for awhile. Chances are she is in desperate need of an adult conversation. Furthermore, bring snacks, because if your kids love snacking at your house you can assume they are raiding her pantry as well. In case she does agree to watch your kids just be prepared to offer the favor in return, but remember, she has more kids than you.
3. She wants to volunteer at all of her kids activities. Don't assume simply because you see her at many sports fields and at every grade level event that she desires to organize it all. She's there because she has a kid in every grade level! Sometimes dropping her kids off at an activity is her only chance to go to the bathroom alone. The best ways this mom can help (and she wants to!) is stuffing envelopes, making cutouts at home, or bringing in the snack. Rarely can she lead the group or coach the team. She's got her own family sports-sized team at home to manage.
4. She wants you to drop by anytime-unannounced-because she's just watching kids and won't mind if you pop in. Now my friends and neighbors know to shoot me a quick text. It only takes me about 5 minutes to get prepared for a visit. Most days I'm in my yoga pants and sports bra with no makeup on and need the time to make myself a little less frightening, and pick up the Fruit Loops that were spilt on the rug in front of the TV. Don't assume she's free because she's at home during the day. Just ask! A mom of 4 usually tries to keep a somewhat strict schedule. I have a huge dry erase calendar on the wall, a personal planner on the counter, and notebooks filled with lists I've made for any given day. There are a zillion loads of laundry to do, crusted toothpaste in every bathroom to clean up, and no doubt the alone shower time has actually been scheduled into the day. Just call ahead. If there's one thing a mom of four can do it's be quick and straight to the point when it comes to answering a question about her kids schedules. You learn early on to be prepared and on your toes when you are outnumbered at home.
5. She's gonna be running late or have to cancel at the last minute. This one is very real. Kids don't run on our normal time frames with clocks and what not. They run on emotions and could care less what time you say it is. If my 4 year old daughter wants to wear a sundress with flip flops on a brisk 30 degree day in the middle of winter, it's gonna take a few extra minutes to get her to understand why she can't. Then another 15 minutes to agree to just putting on leggings, a sweater, and boots underneath it. As well as another 5 minutes to locate the missing boots. So please just go ahead and assume this or some other wacky scenario has happened when she shows up late. Then smile at her and say, "Awe, your little one looks so cute today."
6. Finally, you can assume she loves her kids with every part of herself. I've heard it said that when you have a child it's as if a piece of your heart now lives outside your body. Now imagine that times 4. I am frankly scared to have anymore children for the simple fact it could be bad for my health. The worry alone is enough to age me an extra six months every time I hear, "Mommy, help, hurry!". My kids are always on my mind and will always be at the top of all my lists. With all the cynical points I've made here let me say, though they make me feel I'm losing my mind most days, my kids mean the world to me and I thinks it's safe to ASSUME most moms feel the same way....no matter how many kids they have.
Some of the points I make today might be a bit harsh but I believe them to be honest thoughts that most moms of four kids have had. Also, just to be clear, I need to disclose ahead of time that I absolutely love my friends and all of their kiddos. This post was written from my personal experiences with someone I've just met as well as casual acquaintances, and simply just needs to be said.
6 ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT A MOM OF 4
1. She will be able to stop "real quick" at the store on her way somewhere with her kids. We've all seen the mom struggling at the grocery store with her litter. Looking frazzled, one child crying, the other running up and down the aisle singing a song at the top of her lungs from the latest Disney movie, and possibly another attached to her by a sling. I have been that mom. I have also been asked to stop on my way to an event with all my children to get some....chips. I always want to help out so of course I said, "yes, no problem." Not until I pulled into the parking lot did I realize, "wait....this is a problem." This is the point a loving, cautious mom weighs the outcomes of just leaving the mini crazy people in the van for a few minutes because she knows what's about to happen inside. That's when the worst case scenario expert thing kicks in. "NEVER LEAVE YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR ALONE!" So we load up the buggy and walk in. Immediately one child asks for a snack, ones needs to go potty, and another has tripped in the door frame and has a scraped toe. The only thing out of my mouth was, "Everyone focus, we're just here for chips." After the band-aid, the potty break, the argument about what kind of chips to buy, and many suggestions on other things we apparently had to have, we had one more breakdown in the aisle because, "mommy always says no and never gets me anything!" Then we left. Sweat, blood, and tears all in 15 minutes for some chips. I think in this case it would have been safe to assume one of the other 3 moms with one child or older children could have stopped much easier for the bags of chips.
2. She wants to babysit your kids too, because obviously she loves children, why would she have so many? This is a touchy one. I have many friends with multiple children and usually we have a houseful. I love them all dearly, but they also get what I'm sayin here. The mom of 4 usually DOES want your kids to come and play with hers. She wants the company for HER kids! It keeps them out of her hair for the time being. Just schedule the playdate and don't assume she wants to babysit. Even better, hang out with her for awhile. Chances are she is in desperate need of an adult conversation. Furthermore, bring snacks, because if your kids love snacking at your house you can assume they are raiding her pantry as well. In case she does agree to watch your kids just be prepared to offer the favor in return, but remember, she has more kids than you.
3. She wants to volunteer at all of her kids activities. Don't assume simply because you see her at many sports fields and at every grade level event that she desires to organize it all. She's there because she has a kid in every grade level! Sometimes dropping her kids off at an activity is her only chance to go to the bathroom alone. The best ways this mom can help (and she wants to!) is stuffing envelopes, making cutouts at home, or bringing in the snack. Rarely can she lead the group or coach the team. She's got her own family sports-sized team at home to manage.
4. She wants you to drop by anytime-unannounced-because she's just watching kids and won't mind if you pop in. Now my friends and neighbors know to shoot me a quick text. It only takes me about 5 minutes to get prepared for a visit. Most days I'm in my yoga pants and sports bra with no makeup on and need the time to make myself a little less frightening, and pick up the Fruit Loops that were spilt on the rug in front of the TV. Don't assume she's free because she's at home during the day. Just ask! A mom of 4 usually tries to keep a somewhat strict schedule. I have a huge dry erase calendar on the wall, a personal planner on the counter, and notebooks filled with lists I've made for any given day. There are a zillion loads of laundry to do, crusted toothpaste in every bathroom to clean up, and no doubt the alone shower time has actually been scheduled into the day. Just call ahead. If there's one thing a mom of four can do it's be quick and straight to the point when it comes to answering a question about her kids schedules. You learn early on to be prepared and on your toes when you are outnumbered at home.
5. She's gonna be running late or have to cancel at the last minute. This one is very real. Kids don't run on our normal time frames with clocks and what not. They run on emotions and could care less what time you say it is. If my 4 year old daughter wants to wear a sundress with flip flops on a brisk 30 degree day in the middle of winter, it's gonna take a few extra minutes to get her to understand why she can't. Then another 15 minutes to agree to just putting on leggings, a sweater, and boots underneath it. As well as another 5 minutes to locate the missing boots. So please just go ahead and assume this or some other wacky scenario has happened when she shows up late. Then smile at her and say, "Awe, your little one looks so cute today."
6. Finally, you can assume she loves her kids with every part of herself. I've heard it said that when you have a child it's as if a piece of your heart now lives outside your body. Now imagine that times 4. I am frankly scared to have anymore children for the simple fact it could be bad for my health. The worry alone is enough to age me an extra six months every time I hear, "Mommy, help, hurry!". My kids are always on my mind and will always be at the top of all my lists. With all the cynical points I've made here let me say, though they make me feel I'm losing my mind most days, my kids mean the world to me and I thinks it's safe to ASSUME most moms feel the same way....no matter how many kids they have.
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