My kid did what????

    Many of us have received the message or phone call that starts with, "I don't want to be a tattle tale or get your child in trouble, but I need to talk to you about _______(insert your child's name here).  I have heard my fair share of this phrase.  Not because my children are overly mischievous, just because of the fact I have multiple children and the probability of this happening is much (x4) greater.  

    I've heard it all.....he was playing a game we don't approve of, she was reading a book we don't allow our kids to read. (those are the easy ones) I've also heard....she was using inappropriate words, he got angry and yelled at my son, and she kicked my husband in a "tender" area!  Those of us who pride ourselves on being morally upright and protective parents never enjoy hearing from another parent whose company we would like to keep, that our child has been a bad influence. You immediately see red, want to take all their technology away, and lock them in the tower till their sixteenth birthday.  Then the guilt and embarrassment sets in; how did I let this happen, I should have been more restrictive, we have a loving-christian home-why would my child rebel this way, what must these parents think of us now??????

     I must say, I've never had to be on the tattling side yet.  Yes, we have had our share of little friends around who have used words or gestures in our home that we don't like to see our kids using.  It's always worked out however, that we could stop the visiting friend and correct them in that moment, never having to confront the parents.  But, I know it's just a matter of time before I have to be the one to write that dreaded message.  It takes a lot of courage to do that!! You don't want to be the bearer of bad news or be the accuser of someone else's sweet angel child. Grow up...  YOU MUST DO IT THOUGH!  After my color comes back and I've calmly evaluated the situation I'm ALWAYS extremely grateful to the other parent for cluing me in to my child's behavior when I'm not around.  Unfortunately there are the parents who feel attacked and get defensive when learning of their innocent baby doing something wrong.  Also, those who, quite frankly, don't care....I still stand behind the action of telling them!  In the long run, that embarrassment of being called out on your young childs misbehavior is nothing compared to the misery of watching your adult child struggle through life (or so I've been told).  Furthermore, as a Christian, I believe we are expected to correct, teach, and be examples for all children we come in contact with.

      Over my mere 13 years I've learned some of my most valuable parenting lessons from my kids getting into trouble!  I was sitting in the car loop at school one day waiting for my kids to be releases when I was called by the school on my cell phone. "We need you to park and come into the office, Mrs. Taylor, we have your son here and there has been an incident."  OH the dreaded words!! So, so, so, so, so many scenarios running through my mind..... is he hurt?, did someone hurt him??, did HE hurt someone????  Unpacking the one year old from the car and navigating my way through the waiting parents my heart had started to beat faster and I was anxiously holding my breath.  Once inside I saw my sweet faced, little, first-grader, looking like he had been crying and sitting in a grown up chair in front of the gigantic desk belonging to the assistant principal.  I looked at the desk and recognized a silver and orange toy pistol that is usually on the floor of my sons room. I gulped. Surely he hadn't done something horrid!  The assistant principal quietly and calmly explained that my son had taken it out of his backpack while waiting in the pickup area.  Another little girl saw it and naturally screamed, "HES GOT A GUN!"  She described a scene of panic and fear among the nearby students and teachers, which in my mind looked like a war scene of people ducking and throwing themselves into bushes amid the terrifying screams of little children.  Earlier that morning he had asked if he could take his toy to school, to which I replied, "You can't take toys to school." Thinking that was all I needed to say for him to obey, I forgot all about it......till now.  Apparently, another mom was standing near by and demanded my son be punished for his crime.  Looking at his sad face and knowing he was visibly shaken I felt maybe he had learned his lesson, however the school had to follow policy and suspend him for 3 days.  I begrudgingly agreed and we went home.  As I obsessed over the situation for the next few hours I realized I wasn't upset that he had caused such a dramatic event and gotten suspended. I was more disappointed that he had deliberately decided to take the toy to school when I told him not to.  

      We can't assume our kids are following our advice or rules just because we say it or they've never let us down before.  All children have to be guided and corrected over, and over, and over, and over again.  It never ends and sorry to say, young parents, just gets more frequent and embarrassing as they get older.  I've learned to be very very suspicious of my kids. I check cell phones, I listen in on conversations, I question everything, and of course check backpacks and pockets before leaving for school.  Most importantly though I've learned I can't control everything my kids see, hear, think, or do.  They are on their own journey and must learn by experience the way we all do.  My only line of defense is prayer.  I can't be everywhere my kids are and again becomes more difficult with 4 kids...However, God CAN be everywhere!  Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, it's builders labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."  To me this can easily be associated with how we guard our children.  We can work and toil to watch over them and build a safe home, but if we fail to ask God to be in charge, we do all of this work in vain.

      I don't have to tell you raising a child is the most difficult job you will ever have. You know this from the first night you have that newborn and realize, "This thing will not survive if I don't stay awake and hold it all night long!"  Keep going mom, keep trying dad!  You are not alone. Your investment will produce a return! A favorite quote of mine from Erin Odom is " God gave those little children to you, Mama----to you.  No one else can mother them like you can.  You may have your work cut out for you, but you're the one cut out to accomplish it!"