Fear with a Side of Faith Please
There I was, my heart racing, my knees weak, my throat dry, my hands trembling, and the thought of vomiting becoming more and more appealing. I found myself in fight or flight mode. Every eye was on me and the music began to play....I had practiced so many times, I knew what to do. Focus Mandy. I heard the notes I was waiting on to remind myself to take a deep breath, then I began to make a sound. As I sang, my mind was desperately trying to figure out how to stop making the dreadful noise that was coming out and just do it like I had rehearsed. Every syllable was shaky, every breath was shallow, the people were all still looking at me! Now my brain was on autopilot as I sang the words while also discerning every expression on the faces staring back at me. Oh wait! That chorus seemed to come out ok, maybe I can do this afterall! Nope... I totally messed that part up.... Finally, I was hitting the last note and standing perfectly still while the music finished. At that point, I was stuck between wanting to run off stage crying and turning to the music director and saying,"One more time..with feeling!" Those options weren't feasible unfortunately. So I walked off stage and sat down with my family, hands still shaking. For the days that followed I struggled with the guilt. I knew I could do better. I had sung in front of people many times, why was this happening now?
I had only felt this type of feeling once before. When I was 22 and told my baby was going to be making and entrance in the next 5 minutes. This was my first baby. I had been and an excited type of anxious for all 37 weeks of pregnancy. However when the nurse told me it was time, I started to shake uncontrollably. I wasn't sure I would ever stop my teeth from chattering. In that moment, I was perfectly fine with the thought of just leaving the baby in there a little while longer, even after months of nauseousness, fat feet, and walking like a penguin. I've realized in both these circumstances I was experiencing fear. (Dum, dum, Duuummmmm)
Fear is a complicated subject, so many ideas, definitions, realities. In my years growing up I didn't dwell on much fear. Sure I was paralyzed by snakes and spiders and spooked by the imaginary squirrel running in the hallway outside my room at night (yes, I said squirrel..don't judge). The fear that shook me to my core however, didn't begin till I was an adult. This has led me on a quest of sorts to find the antidote for my fears!
As a Christ follower I generally turn to Gods Word for answers. There is a saying going around that God mentions "do not fear" in the Bible 365 times and the coincidence that there are 365 days in a year should further encourage us to not be afraid every day. All though this is a comforting thought, I can't find the facts to back it up. Investigating the phrases "do not fear" and "do not be afraid" in the Bible, I only find it clearly 81 (give or take a few) times. While not nearly 365, and a total bummer that it doesn't fit in to some cute coincidence, 81 is not too shabby! In my opinion, if God stresses something in the Bible just twice or even once with the words "listen" in front of it, He's probably making a point that will be of great importance in every life. Furthermore, the fact He is telling everyone He speaks to in the Bible to not be afraid should tell us, "Hey Knucklehead, I got this, Stop freaking out!" But we still do it.
I've heard some say that fear is not of God, that Satan is attacking you. While this could absolutely be true in some cases (and should actually push you to conquer it even more), I don't believe it in ALL cases. God hardwired our brains to have a natural fear when in life threatening situations. An intuition of scary places or people that could hurt us. That seems to be a God-given fear. It keeps you on your toes, sharp, and from becoming complacent. The other type of fear is perceived fear. Fear of the unknown or our mind simply telling us to be scared without reasonable cause. In my opinion, this is the type of fear the Bible speaks to most. Why should we be scared when sharing a talent, or speaking in front of a crowd, or walking down a path we've never been before? It's not as if the crowd will listen to you and decide collectively to burn you at the stake ("that was terrible, everyone grab her, she must never be allowed to do this to us again!!"). This is not a life threatening situation... it's a spirit threatening one. I read a quote once: Fear does not stop death, it stops life. ~unknown. Maybe this is what God is trying to tell us. Excuse me.... beat into our heads a whopping 81 times!!! For example, in Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious in anything, pray and peace will be given to you. In Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; I will strengthen you and help you. Exodus 14:13 Do not be afraid, stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. Isaiah 54:4 Do not be afraid, you will not be put to shame. And on and on and on....We are being called to serve and live out our lives in spite of our fears! Another great quote, "Fear is placing your faith in "what-ifs" rather than in "God-is".
My investigation into "DO NOT FEAR" has opened my eyes to a point I tend to forget daily. God always keeps His promises. Almost every time He tells us not to fear He backs it up with a promise of peace, deliverance, and safety. In Job 11:13-19 we are given action steps to follow...devote your heart to Him and to not allow evil to dwell in your tent. Then a promise of forgotten troubles, darkness becoming like morning, rest in safety, and many will court your favor. Philippians 4:8-9 tells us to think about the true, right, noble, pure and praiseworthy things, put them into practice, and then promises peace for our lives. My opinion in this peace is what we are looking for when we are scared or anxious. Why wouldn't we follow Gods clear steps if we trust he keeps his promises? Do we doubt He is capable?
Whoa whoa now!!!! I'm speaking to myself here too! I still shake when I start to sing by myself in front of an audience. I still get scared about my health or my kids getting into whatever insane situation they've brought upon themselves that week! (insert eye roll) BUT!! I'm still working on it, and thank goodness I still have things to work on! If I felt Gods construction of me was complete I'd be a bit nervous my time here was up. I like to think the way Paul does in Philippians 4:12-13 when he says, "I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation.. (I like to add being a giant scaredy-cat to that), I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength." So, I'll keep on ordering up my fear.... but with a side of faith please!
I had only felt this type of feeling once before. When I was 22 and told my baby was going to be making and entrance in the next 5 minutes. This was my first baby. I had been and an excited type of anxious for all 37 weeks of pregnancy. However when the nurse told me it was time, I started to shake uncontrollably. I wasn't sure I would ever stop my teeth from chattering. In that moment, I was perfectly fine with the thought of just leaving the baby in there a little while longer, even after months of nauseousness, fat feet, and walking like a penguin. I've realized in both these circumstances I was experiencing fear. (Dum, dum, Duuummmmm)
Fear is a complicated subject, so many ideas, definitions, realities. In my years growing up I didn't dwell on much fear. Sure I was paralyzed by snakes and spiders and spooked by the imaginary squirrel running in the hallway outside my room at night (yes, I said squirrel..don't judge). The fear that shook me to my core however, didn't begin till I was an adult. This has led me on a quest of sorts to find the antidote for my fears!
As a Christ follower I generally turn to Gods Word for answers. There is a saying going around that God mentions "do not fear" in the Bible 365 times and the coincidence that there are 365 days in a year should further encourage us to not be afraid every day. All though this is a comforting thought, I can't find the facts to back it up. Investigating the phrases "do not fear" and "do not be afraid" in the Bible, I only find it clearly 81 (give or take a few) times. While not nearly 365, and a total bummer that it doesn't fit in to some cute coincidence, 81 is not too shabby! In my opinion, if God stresses something in the Bible just twice or even once with the words "listen" in front of it, He's probably making a point that will be of great importance in every life. Furthermore, the fact He is telling everyone He speaks to in the Bible to not be afraid should tell us, "Hey Knucklehead, I got this, Stop freaking out!" But we still do it.
I've heard some say that fear is not of God, that Satan is attacking you. While this could absolutely be true in some cases (and should actually push you to conquer it even more), I don't believe it in ALL cases. God hardwired our brains to have a natural fear when in life threatening situations. An intuition of scary places or people that could hurt us. That seems to be a God-given fear. It keeps you on your toes, sharp, and from becoming complacent. The other type of fear is perceived fear. Fear of the unknown or our mind simply telling us to be scared without reasonable cause. In my opinion, this is the type of fear the Bible speaks to most. Why should we be scared when sharing a talent, or speaking in front of a crowd, or walking down a path we've never been before? It's not as if the crowd will listen to you and decide collectively to burn you at the stake ("that was terrible, everyone grab her, she must never be allowed to do this to us again!!"). This is not a life threatening situation... it's a spirit threatening one. I read a quote once: Fear does not stop death, it stops life. ~unknown. Maybe this is what God is trying to tell us. Excuse me.... beat into our heads a whopping 81 times!!! For example, in Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious in anything, pray and peace will be given to you. In Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; I will strengthen you and help you. Exodus 14:13 Do not be afraid, stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. Isaiah 54:4 Do not be afraid, you will not be put to shame. And on and on and on....We are being called to serve and live out our lives in spite of our fears! Another great quote, "Fear is placing your faith in "what-ifs" rather than in "God-is".
My investigation into "DO NOT FEAR" has opened my eyes to a point I tend to forget daily. God always keeps His promises. Almost every time He tells us not to fear He backs it up with a promise of peace, deliverance, and safety. In Job 11:13-19 we are given action steps to follow...devote your heart to Him and to not allow evil to dwell in your tent. Then a promise of forgotten troubles, darkness becoming like morning, rest in safety, and many will court your favor. Philippians 4:8-9 tells us to think about the true, right, noble, pure and praiseworthy things, put them into practice, and then promises peace for our lives. My opinion in this peace is what we are looking for when we are scared or anxious. Why wouldn't we follow Gods clear steps if we trust he keeps his promises? Do we doubt He is capable?
Whoa whoa now!!!! I'm speaking to myself here too! I still shake when I start to sing by myself in front of an audience. I still get scared about my health or my kids getting into whatever insane situation they've brought upon themselves that week! (insert eye roll) BUT!! I'm still working on it, and thank goodness I still have things to work on! If I felt Gods construction of me was complete I'd be a bit nervous my time here was up. I like to think the way Paul does in Philippians 4:12-13 when he says, "I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation.. (I like to add being a giant scaredy-cat to that), I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength." So, I'll keep on ordering up my fear.... but with a side of faith please!
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