Making Good Fruit out of Sour Apples!
When talking with a group of moms you most likely become acquainted with the age of their kids (if you didn't know already), their usual gripes, and day to day messes. I've learned recently that when I would hear two or more moms in a group have teens, there was an unspoken anxiety and I seemed to notice a glance of the eyes that they were understanding each other immediately. At first, I thought they connected simply because their kids were in the same age bracket. Now (with 2 young teens of my own) I realize they were actually saying things to each other that didn't need to be said out loud! " Oh, you too?" "These toddler moms have no clue." "Don't say anything about it, it will just scare them to death!" All this with just a nod and a smirk. Moms of youngsters can also feel free to complain and brag and joke about their little ones running around because these kids have completely tuned them out. They are so immersed in their imaginary world they rarely hear their parents chatting it up. Unless you say their name, at which point they're ears become alert hoping to hear you have made them the center of attention again. Parents of teenagers, however, know without waiver they MUST NOT speak of said teenager. The teen is always listening. We can't complain, brag, or joke about these kids for fear of the wrath that will be waged upon us once back at home. SO as a result, these parents of teens have been reduced to the nod and smirk. Until which time they are without a doubt beyond earshot or facial expression notice of their beloved tempestuous monster.... I mean older child.
When reflecting on my older children to a time when they were at a more friendly age, I see them smiling, imagining, laughing, making messes, being put in time out, throwing temper tantrums on the floor...oh wait, I digress. What I mean is they seemed pleased with life. Living out loud, not censoring their joy! Teenager-hood seems to bring with it anxiety, negative self-perception, and FEAR. I've done my research. I know about changes during puberty and the scientific studies on the mind of an adolescent. I've read that parts of their brains simply shut down. Sometimes reasoning doesn't even enter the thought process. I also know ALL kids are different, and what might be a struggle for one during this time seems to be a piece of cake for another.
Teen girls especially, tend to stress about perception. "Am I pretty?" "Am I liked?" "Do I fit in?" As a result these thoughts persuade them to do things that defy all reasoning. My oldest is far mature for her age in this aspect. She could care less if she was pretty or accepted by the majority. (Which is tough to me because I want her to take accountability for her appearance- but I have two more daughters who fill that overflowingly!) This beautiful, intelligent, talented daughter of mine is more concerned with the pressures that have yet to come. "I'm losing my childhood!" "I don't have much time left to figure out my future!" "I won't be with you guys much longer!" She even told an adult friend, who asked her how she was feeling about high school, that she was worried about the impending pressure of adult-hood. YEP! That's my baby girl! Worrying enough for the 6 of us!While this type of awareness is positive and assuring to me in the fact I feel she is very "level-headed"(how that adult friend described her to me), I just don't want her to worry these fun teen years away! Her worry, makes me worry. (you parents understand I'm sure) Of course, I believe its all my fault... I worried too much in front of her, I stressed too hard about being prepared for the future, I made her wash her hands too many times! She is my first born after all, and was held to a higher standard because I didn't know any better. Unlike my last two kids who I rarely see on these summer days because they are roaming in the woods, or are allowed to wear whatever crazy outfit they've put together, and eat dirt. (no judging)
My teens and I have had many good talks about behavior as a young adult. Each time I sit and listen and pray in my head, "Dear Lord, help me know what to say because I have no clue what this kid is talking about!" He always comes through, and sometimes after an hour of hashing it out we come to an agreement. Usually only the idea that we will take deep breaths together and remember who loves us more than anything. Followed by a jab from me that I'm the boss and don't forget it as I walk out the door. They know its all in fun, but no...really...I'm the boss.
Teenagers are scary creatures. They can turn on you with that look that seems it could burn your eyes out if you stare too long and then make you feel like their closest friend. It's hard as the person trying to raise them because we want them to be prepared for impending adult-hood while also being soft enough for them to want to come to us with their problems. This is a constant, constant, constant struggle.
I always turn to Gods word to help me out, sort of like a play book for lifes big games. In the verse from Matthew 12:33 Jesus says, "make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit." Now we all want out little trees (children) to bear good fruit (joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, virtue, knowledge, endurance, love, self-control and so on and so on), but how do we do this when there is no reasoning happening in their hormonal little brains?? Well, the bible tells us that too. In Deuteronomy 6:6-9 God speaks about the commandments he has given us to love him with everything we have. Then to impress them on our children. "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." We should as parents be a walking, talking example of the love of Christ. It's tough, I know! I have failed many times BUT I know I'm forgiven and I can try again tomorrow. Our kids need to see us do that too. They will see us and one day when their brains are not made of mush they will understand. Then God promises that our efforts will not return void.
I also love this snarky verse from Hebrews 12:11 which says, "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant (you don't say...) BUT later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." There's that fruit again. What an amazing promise!
So LETS GO parents of scary teens!! Be Tough! Be Aware! Be Faithful! Be Encouraging (also to the other weary parents)! And by all means Be Consistant!! Bear that good fruit from those good trees!!
When reflecting on my older children to a time when they were at a more friendly age, I see them smiling, imagining, laughing, making messes, being put in time out, throwing temper tantrums on the floor...oh wait, I digress. What I mean is they seemed pleased with life. Living out loud, not censoring their joy! Teenager-hood seems to bring with it anxiety, negative self-perception, and FEAR. I've done my research. I know about changes during puberty and the scientific studies on the mind of an adolescent. I've read that parts of their brains simply shut down. Sometimes reasoning doesn't even enter the thought process. I also know ALL kids are different, and what might be a struggle for one during this time seems to be a piece of cake for another.
Teen girls especially, tend to stress about perception. "Am I pretty?" "Am I liked?" "Do I fit in?" As a result these thoughts persuade them to do things that defy all reasoning. My oldest is far mature for her age in this aspect. She could care less if she was pretty or accepted by the majority. (Which is tough to me because I want her to take accountability for her appearance- but I have two more daughters who fill that overflowingly!) This beautiful, intelligent, talented daughter of mine is more concerned with the pressures that have yet to come. "I'm losing my childhood!" "I don't have much time left to figure out my future!" "I won't be with you guys much longer!" She even told an adult friend, who asked her how she was feeling about high school, that she was worried about the impending pressure of adult-hood. YEP! That's my baby girl! Worrying enough for the 6 of us!While this type of awareness is positive and assuring to me in the fact I feel she is very "level-headed"(how that adult friend described her to me), I just don't want her to worry these fun teen years away! Her worry, makes me worry. (you parents understand I'm sure) Of course, I believe its all my fault... I worried too much in front of her, I stressed too hard about being prepared for the future, I made her wash her hands too many times! She is my first born after all, and was held to a higher standard because I didn't know any better. Unlike my last two kids who I rarely see on these summer days because they are roaming in the woods, or are allowed to wear whatever crazy outfit they've put together, and eat dirt. (no judging)
My teens and I have had many good talks about behavior as a young adult. Each time I sit and listen and pray in my head, "Dear Lord, help me know what to say because I have no clue what this kid is talking about!" He always comes through, and sometimes after an hour of hashing it out we come to an agreement. Usually only the idea that we will take deep breaths together and remember who loves us more than anything. Followed by a jab from me that I'm the boss and don't forget it as I walk out the door. They know its all in fun, but no...really...I'm the boss.
Teenagers are scary creatures. They can turn on you with that look that seems it could burn your eyes out if you stare too long and then make you feel like their closest friend. It's hard as the person trying to raise them because we want them to be prepared for impending adult-hood while also being soft enough for them to want to come to us with their problems. This is a constant, constant, constant struggle.
I always turn to Gods word to help me out, sort of like a play book for lifes big games. In the verse from Matthew 12:33 Jesus says, "make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit." Now we all want out little trees (children) to bear good fruit (joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, virtue, knowledge, endurance, love, self-control and so on and so on), but how do we do this when there is no reasoning happening in their hormonal little brains?? Well, the bible tells us that too. In Deuteronomy 6:6-9 God speaks about the commandments he has given us to love him with everything we have. Then to impress them on our children. "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." We should as parents be a walking, talking example of the love of Christ. It's tough, I know! I have failed many times BUT I know I'm forgiven and I can try again tomorrow. Our kids need to see us do that too. They will see us and one day when their brains are not made of mush they will understand. Then God promises that our efforts will not return void.
I also love this snarky verse from Hebrews 12:11 which says, "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant (you don't say...) BUT later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." There's that fruit again. What an amazing promise!
So LETS GO parents of scary teens!! Be Tough! Be Aware! Be Faithful! Be Encouraging (also to the other weary parents)! And by all means Be Consistant!! Bear that good fruit from those good trees!!
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