Straight Outta My Thirties

    I’m turning 40 soon. Wait, let me say that again. I will be FORTY soon!  I’ve been saying that for a year now and then immediately saying in my head with my best Scarlett O’Hara voice, “I’ll think about that tomorrow, tomorrow IS another day.” (That I’m NOT turning 40!!) 

    I can’t really say I’m scared about turning forty.  I’ve watched many others do it before me and life apparently goes on, however, there is a sinking feeling inside.  Kinda like when you’re young and you know you have to go to work tomorrow or start the next semester of school soon.  You would do ANYTHING (or at least I would have) to keep that day from coming, but you know you can’t.  It will come. You will have to face it.

      I don’t remember getting older really.  I remember turning 30 and not caring at all (understand that’s the day I found out my mom had cancer, but that’s another story). The rest of those birthdays are a blip in my memory filing cabinet.  I have been so consumed with kids, husband, home, and life in general to even process the time was passing so quickly.  Yes, I wish I could go back. Not because of regrets (although we all have a few, right?).  I don’t want to change things.  I simply want to live it again. Live it out with the reality of what was passing by with the idea that it will never be the same again.  Alas, this is impossible.  Thus begin the tears of sad realization- I AM turning 40 and I can’t do anything to stop it.  Before I know it I’ll be 50... then 60.. (UGH!!!)! But wait.  Age is just a number, so I hear.  That’s true, I don’t feel 40!  Does anyone ever feel 40 though?  You don’t know what 40 feels like because you haven’t been 40 yet! Just like turning 30... I didn’t feel  30 then because I didn’t know what it felt like.  I do now and I think I can say I probably DID feel 30 then. 

     Unprepared and running out of time for my departure from my thirties, I’ve quickly comprised a list of honest things to tell those coming into their thirties as I reluctantly leave them.  I believe it’s important for the older ones to pass down what they’ve learned, so this is my gift as an “older” one (that made me throw up in my mouth a little). 

1. Feed Your Soul

       There is a common misconception with this phrase.  Many will tell you to dive into your passions, seek what truly makes you happy, and dwell in it.  This is a worldly view.  All things in this earth that you are passionate about will fade away.  The truth is: Jesus is our bread of life.  He is the only thing that can be a constant in this life.  In John chapter 6, Jesus talks A LOT about this spiritual bread.  In verse 27 he says, “ do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man (Jesus) will give you.” Then again in verse 51, “ I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of this world.”  If I could give only one piece of advice to someone entering their thirties, it would be to feed your soul with the bread of life.  Read it, believe it, live it out.  It never disappoints, never leaves you hungry, and never ever changes.  Go to church young lady!! There are other ladies there doing life just like you and they need you like you need them.  When drama hits (and it will) this bread will sustain you, and you will never regret it.

2. Be Authentic

        Let’s face it. The fads that come and go on what seems to be a daily basis now are exhausting to keep up with!  The constant barrage of PC police telling us to “not say that” or “act this way” are overwhelming and frankly invading my space!  When I was somewhere in my late 20’s, I came across this verse and I took it as my own. Romans 12:2-“ Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what Gods will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”  Being someone that the world wants you to be is not true.  You can never make true friends, never have a true relationship, and never be what you were truly meant to be. (Talk about regrets!) Be you! React to others with true authenticity.  Dress in what makes you comfortable.  Let others know how you feel, what you believe in, and don’t mask it.  Your late 30’s will thank you.  I should also add, STOP COMPARING yourself to others!  You will never be what you are comparing yourself to.  “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you!”- Dr. Suess. He was a wise man! You will miss out on so much that is yours when you are constantly watching how someone else is doing it.  Don’t obsess about what others think. (I know, I do it! It’s hard- we want to be pleasing)  Maybe you think you could do it better! You have no idea what road another had to travel to be who they are today. You most likely wouldn’t want it if you knew! Matthew 7:1-2 reads, “ Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured for you.”  WARNING TAKEN!! 

3. Quit the Bad Habits

      This should be a no brainer and one I am all to familiar with.  Whatever you consider your bad habit to be - quit now!!   Smoking, getting drunk, cheating, eating too much, lying, excessive shopping, or just biting your nails!  You know what’s right and wrong!  You know that what you do, not only effects you but the ones that love you.  If you know something to be wrong in your life it’s most likely that God is convicting you to get rid of it. There are long term consequences for not listening to that small voice. One example is in Luke 6:46,”Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’, and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like.  They are like a man building a house, who dug deep down and laid the foundation on rock.  When the flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.  But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without foundation.  The moment the torrent struck the house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”  There are many ways to apply this verse to our lives but simply put - Keep up what you’re doing and you will have nothing to stand on. Change and live, then you will have a foundation to withstand the storm.  Health, stability, truth, and yes... joy.  P.S. Save up for the unexpected. Stop blowing your money now, you will need it. You’re welcome in advance. 

4. Forget your Expectations

         Most likely the hardest one of all for me and the one I’ve done the most! Remember I’m the planner!!  I had so many ideas of what marriage and kids would be like.  I was shown very quickly how mistaken I was.  My childhood did not prepare me for this.  My parents graciously shielded me from any unpleasantness between them and others. I am the baby of my family so I was never present for the chaos of newborns and toddlers living in the same house.  I was delightfully oblivious and created visions of the Brady Bunch life in my mind for the future.  Then reality slapped me in the face and continues this rude wake up call at every milestone.  I’ve had to let go of my expectations repeatedly.  Honestly no one could ever live up to them!  Don’t put that pressure on yourself or your family.  Undoubtedly there is a different plan for our lives than the one we mapped out.  The road takes many twists and turns.  But if we are truly seeking the one who creates our path than we will be given the desires of our heart. Mark 6:33 - “ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Trust me, He knows you better than you do!  It’s not a bad thing to hold people up to a standard, make them aware of what it is! Hold yourself to one too, but be prepared to change it when it’s time. 

5. Admire the Little Things

       Stop and smell the roses, kid!  I tried.  I really tried! It seems my kids never wanted to slow down long enough for the rose smelling.  There are moments in there though that I can remember: breathing in the smell of my babies hair, watching my husband laugh so hard he cried, looking at a one-of-a-kind sunset or reflection on a lake, noticing a reaction from someone who opened a gift from me.  I can even say I have taken time every Christmas to sit on the floor in front of my tree and look up at the lights.  Christmas trees are my favorite and I just want to burn the sight into my memory so badly I can’t help but stare at it for awhile!  Don’t miss out! Take it all in. Maybe write them down so you never forget.  I’m sure there is a verse for this as well, just like everything in life, but I was too busy smelling and tasting the coffee this morning to find one.  Perhaps Philippians 4:8-9. Look it up!!

6. Forgive 

        Obviously right?  Seriously though. This is tough.  People let us down.  Others hurt us or lie to us.  Some have been cheated on by a spouse,  some have been stabbed in the back by a friend, and some have just been unfairly taken advantage of.  When we are on the losing end of these experiences we feel justified in our unforgiving.  We carry a grudge. Strip them from our lives or purposely withhold joy from theirs.  While some actions need to be taken to protect ourselves and uphold our personal boundaries that someone else has so carelessly crossed, never forgiving them is not one of them.  Holding on to the hurt is only hurting you. There is a song called “Forgiveness” by Matthew West. It was exactly what I needed to hear during a time I knew forgiveness was the last thing I wanted to give someone who didn’t deserve it.  It says, “so let it go and be amazed at what you see through eyes of grace. The prisoner that it really frees is you.”  It’s always the hardest thing to give away and always goes to those that don’t deserve it.  Do it anyway.  Don’t carry that with you.  The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other,  just as in Christ God forgave you.  He has forgiven so much in me and I’m so grateful he did.  He asks us to show the same mercy to others. You will never be the same when you do. 

      Well there you have it!! Life HAS thrown a few nuggets of wisdom my way in my 40 years! Now I need to take this advice and apply it to my next decade of life, Lord willing. It’s true what they say - Life really does begin at forty. Up until then you  are just doing research!