40 till 40! Week 2.5

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1kMXYJjsBjMGT1qWlPMcAD6aiRIb8YWsj

    It’s funny to see God work sometimes. I don’t mean the “oh you’re so silly, God” type of funny. I mean the “Oh THATS what you meant, God” type of funny.  Most of us go about our lives making plans and following through with goals that we’ve set for ourselves, and all of that is admirable and good.  BUT... what if the plans and goals you make aren’t exactly what God had stitched together when he prompted you to get in gear! What then? 

     Months ago I felt a fire light up in me to start on a journey of change. Just me. For myself. I felt I needed it! I was turning 40 soon (as you are tired of hearing about, I’m sure... As am I.), my kids were all out of the house during the day now, and it was time to work on me this year.  I truly felt God was pushing me to break my mold I had so carefully constructed for myself over the years and step out into something new. As I asked Him daily for guidance, I wasn’t very confident of what He actually wanted me to do.  I laid some goals down on paper and mapped out a course of action to follow.  I was encouraged, but not really challenged.  Running, avoiding soda, praying daily, and searching for my niche in making money from the security of my mold seemed to be perfect for me... in my mind. However not radical enough for the changes God had in mind apparently.  

    You see, I haven’t kept up with some of my goals this week. Though not from a lack of trying!  I’ve been extremely busy and preoccupied.  Kids birthdays, holidays from school and fun girls getaway weekends will do that I suppose.  I knew I was letting some people and most importantly myself down, but I haven’t felt guilty about it! This confused me till yesterday.  Yesterday a part time job just kinda fell in my lap.  I haven’t had a paying job outside the home in 16 years. I’ve known for a few months it was possibly coming to this since my husband was displaced, but I secretly held on to the hope that it wasn’t really Gods plan for me to work!! I literally couldn’t see how it could ever work! When I came home from visiting the new workplace I cried.  My mold was shattering, and so quickly too!  

     My friends have been very encouraging and it finally hit me.  “Oh, THATS what you meant, God!”  See how funny it is to see Him work?  He did want change for me but not those simple goals I had made.  He wanted to seriously melt down the mold I made to be able to make a new one! There’s a verse that instantly came to mind. “A mans heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9.  I made a plan and was walking through it, but the Lord directed my steps to exactly where He wanted me to be because I was willing to be led by Him.  I’ve used an analogy for this for many years (though it may not be relatable much longer).  Imagine driving a car with no power steering. If you’ve done this before you are aware that to turn the wheel of the car you must also be pressing the accelerator and moving the car forward. Then you are able to turn the steering wheel In the direction you want to go easily. Trying to turn those wheels sitting still, with no power steering, is a grueling feat.  I believe that’s how God can work in our lives and bring us to where He wants us to be. We have to be moving forward with our foot on the go pedal for Him to be able to turn us the right way.  Sitting still will get us no where... or at least take much more effort and time to get us there.  

      Going to work everyday is going to be a major adjustment for me and my family. I also will not have the time anymore to put towards my 40 till 40 goals, which stings a little. I was really looking forward to writing an ebook and running those miles!! Ok maybe not the running... I can live without that.  I was sad because my safe little molded life was ending before I felt ready to.  Then a friend told me, “ what if this isn’t an ending, but a new beginning?” That fit right into my goal for turning forty.  New beginnings is what it’s been about from the moment I concocted the idea!  Kicking and screaming as I’m jerked from my stay-at-home mom bubble, I still feel a sense of peace.  I’m confident this is the path to take. I can tell God is in this and that makes all the difference.  

    40 till 40 isn’t over!! I still have a few short weeks to go and will continue with some goals, though they have changed a bit now.  40 will still come whether I can run 2 miles or not, unfortunately. So my encouragement for this week is to keep going. Keep that foot on the pedal and keep moving forward, then let Jesus take the wheel!! (HA! Had to work that one in there somehow!) Be willing to let Him break the mold you’ve made and be ready to work on a fresh new one!  

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