In The Beginning...

   

 

 In the beginning.  It seems to be a rather wonderful way to begin a story, doesn’t it?  There are many possibilities to what you are beginning.  The beginning of a true love, beginning of a life story, or the beginning of creation. God seemed to think the words “In the beginning” made a suitable introduction to HIS story, so I will use them as well.   This beginning however is not so long ago. This beginning is set merely one year ago.  The beginning of 2020.

 

     Let me refresh your memory.  2020 began just like other years for most, but for me it was going to be different. I had loafty goals, I was turning 40, and I was gonna rock it.  I set everything in place to achieve my goals for the year and worked daily on them. (Even blogging here if you remember) Things were going as planned.  What I hadn’t planned on was my plans being ripped up, stepped on, thrown out with the trash and forgotten like so many others' big plans this year.  Once I realized my children were not going back to school and every event I had on my calendar for the summer was cancelled, I decided to cancel me as well. Now, I didn’t see it at the time.  I was really just trying to keep my head above water. Worry, fear, and stress about inactive kids, germs, and strict togetherness had caused me to put myself on hold. I gained weight, got lazy, and accomplished absolutely nothing.  Looking back at this year I can honestly say I have nothing to show for it. How did this happen?  How did I get to the end of a whole 365 days and not even know how I got there? Sorta like those times you’re driving a route that you drive often, you get caught up in thought and look up to realize you are pulling into your neighborhood and have no clue how you made it through the curves and intersections. Almost like you were on autopilot the whole time.  THAT was my 2020, and trust me, hinds sight IS 2020.  

 

    When I’ve stepped back to think about all that wasted time this year I feel guilty.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m sad I don’t have the in-shape body I was planning for, or the personal goals met. However, Its more than that.  God has been showing me in these last few months of the year that He had plans for me this year as well and I failed to follow them.  What a waste! I spent so many days thinking about my own ways, I forgot to ackowledge His.  Of course He knew we would all be quarantined, of course he knew we wouldn’t get to spend birthdays and holidays and even Sunday services together. He had His own plans. Just like Isaiah 55:8-9, For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.  I made all those grand plans and goals, even believing God was behind me the whole way.  In reality, God was ahead of me like always and once again I’ve learned the lesson of following Gods plan above my own.  You see, I’ve never felt good enough to carry out the things it seems God pushes me to do.  I’m not blind to the fact I possess talent in one or two areas.  God has given me a voice.  To write, to sing, to express.  However, when faced with the pressure of using any of these talents for Him I cower.  I can never seem to get passed the fact that I will never be able to conjur that overwhelming spirit that takes over another person with song or inspired words.  I can not achieve that, so I don’t even try or I simply flake out from the pressure of the moment.  I forget it's not my job to do the inspiring….it’s His.  I recently watched a new series called The Chosen. (look it up now). Its a multi-episode show about the life of Jesus and the people who were changed by knowing him. More on that another day… I watched a bonus clip from the director of the project. He had been let go from a directing job in Hollywood and wanted to do something Biblically related but (like me) didn’t feel he would be good enough to tell Jesus’ story the way God wanted it done-in a way that would truly affect anyone.  A mentor of his reminded him that God doesn’t need our help with the outcome. He's perfectly capable of providing that himself. The only thing he needs from us are the loaves and the fish. He can multiply them on his own.  That was what I had been needing to hear.  I needed the pressure taken off of me. It's not my responsiblity to save another person or inspire them in a spiritual way. It's only my job to bring what I have for Him to use.  I think I can do that. Who knew I needed a year of plans being unplanned to hear that?

 

So….. here we are again. In the beginning.  Will you make YOUR plans or will you make HIS plans yours?